Smilebox.com Scrapbook

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Another Adoption!!!

Wow! It continues to be an amazing journey...

July 28th, 2008 Lil' Peanut became an official Big Peanut! Funny that she would have a complete and utter meltdown the morning of her/our special day. But it was very much that way many hours earlier that day.

Literally, the two of us laughed as we were in the midst of the screaming, whining and crying period. Hoping that it would not continue the rest of the day, and sure enough it didn't. She was just as cute and sweet with everyone. Whew! It was a bit of a relief.

I think it was Lil' Peanut's way of reminding us of what we were getting into by making it official. She wanted us to be very sure that we wanted her and all that came with who she is... Of course, we do/did! But dang, what a way to show it and with such gusto! I guess she was just wanting reassurance..?

Oh, well it was a wonderful and busy day for all of us. We had a great lunch with Gramma and Grampa Strong, Auntie Debbie and Drewski, and a special treat of having Uncle Craig, Auntie Kathryn, Cuz'n Sambo and his gal pal.

During lunch, at the burger joint, I was kept busy with Bug. Boo was entertained by Auntie Debbie much of the time, as well as 'playing' the video games, and Cuz'n Drewski hung out with Lil' Peanut as well as keeping an eye on Boo. He's such a great Cuz'n that Drewski - the kiddles always keep him sweating! Lil' Peanut even got Grampa to hang out with her. It was just so cute! She was trying to get her way with him at some point during her time with Grampa. That wasn't surprising to hear.

Off to the courthouse to make Lil' Peanut official... I wish I had not been so exhausted that day. I know I would have enjoyed that day a bit more. Anyways, we were greeted by M's dad, mom, Gramma Maybee, Cuz'n Alea, and his other grandmother (and her husband) out from Mississippi-just for this very occasion. Then the rest of the gang came wandering in to our area of the hallway. Again, both of our OFR program director, Sandy, and OFR program nurse, Joy, came to this big day just as they had for Bug's. And Lil' Peanut's former foster mom was there with her adopted daughter.

We were finally summoned into the courtroom and everyone found a seat. I was so thankful that Bug didn't cry out for me during that whole time. Good job, Bug!

The judge asked the two of us to raise our right hand, and lo and behold Lil' Peanut obeyed his orders, too. It was so cute and funny. Then we had to say, 'I do' when the judge asked us and Lil' Peanut responded with 'I do' also. She was cracking us up.

THEN when the judge basically was asking if we/I was in for the long haul of this creature, I just had to respond with 'Before this mornings events or now?' Laughter was heard and M whispered to me to just answer the question.

So, I said yes and the rest is history.

And then it was off to Scoops for ice cream!! Yummers!

I feel so lucky and blessed that we were given two beautiful, wonderful and good looking kiddles to love and enjoy for the rest of our days.

If we had done the foster/adopt years earlier, I've wondered if we would have been so lucky? I know it's not something that can be answered but I've wondered at times.

I do believe things happen for a reason. Though I can't always know and wont' know what reasons those would be in the midst of living and death.

Doing What I Was Made To Do... Being A Momma!

Okay, when I wrote this little bio on my blogger page, I was in heaven with all of my kiddles. Or I was just drunk. I'm just not quite sure which it was. Well, since we know I don't drink, it must have been the feeling of heaven.

BUT what was I thinking? HUH?! Heaven on earth with three very different kiddles. And two we keep 24/7 ? What on earth was I thinking????!!!! I have to laugh daily just so I can keep my sanity.

Don't get me wrong... I sure love them with all of me, but I don't always like a certain one sometimes. And that would be of the female gender. Lil' Peanut is the cutest thing ever and it's a D***(darn) good thing she is so cute because I'd have to take her out. Take her out is meant with the idea that deep, deep, deep chuckle way down within. But, damn! she is just too cute! Just my luck...

So, I am not unlike any other parent or mother with toddlers, but it sure feels like you're the only one whose kiddles are just out on another planet or stratosphere - whining and crying, repeating things you say, that you shouldn't say. Oops! Letting the world of grocery stores, big brand named stores and restaurant patrons know you are not the best momma. I have finally begun to turn to the folks in my line or looking at me/us and say, 'arent' you glad you're not me right now?' or 'aren't you glad you are past this stage with your kids?' or 'could you just have a bit more sympathy for me by not looking at me?' Okay, so I don't say that last one but I sure would like to some times. I remember (before kiddles) looking at a poor momma and the screaming kid(s) and just giving her a smile that said - 'I'm sorry that this is happening to you at this time. ' Not many folks are willing to do that I have found. Oh well... Such is life. So I guess I would not be a real and authentic human being or momma or parent if I didn't have these issues come up and those feelings of jumping ship every once in a while. Xanax here I come!

Motherhood is joyous and not so. But there is nothing like having kiddles to bring out the best and the worst in you. I laugh as I write these very words!


And yet, I would not, could not change any of it for the world. Oh, those loving little arms, sweet childish kisses, and that unspeakable and adoring way kiddles come running up to you and call out your name... Momma!!!

Lil' Peanut loves to say, "I love you, Momma, too!"
Bug says, "I lwuoovoo you!"

Damn! It's a good thing they are soooooooooo cute and lovable!

PS: pardon the grammatical errors at 11:35pm tonight. I should be sleeping....

friendship, friendship!

okay, this was a poem i sent to my friend in portland, oregon. she had written me/us an amazing email and i needed to respond to her. so here it is...

*********

creative soul with perfectionist tendencies

leader of a pack yet also possesses a quiet voice

organized yet unorganized

tipsy and yet not drunk often

laugh-out-loud laughter but can silently laugh at self

big toe curled up but not necessarily light on her feet

big idea thinker and yet constantly figuring out the smaller details

blue dog painting or jack johnson meet and greet back stage

light traveler with a very heavy heart

changes important or don't give a damn

you say this I'll say that and together we'll come to the same conclusion usually

lover of many things, animals, fauna, flora but hater of people who don't give a damn

musical soul who married the soul of a music man

great smile, great teeth, great skin, great boobs - damn, i hate you

love me for me and may not like all of me but yet willing to be my friend and i your friend

thank you, cara!

i sure miss you and love you, friend.

your friendship is my pleasure, always: Kim


**********

I hope this poem expresses how much I appreciate you....

Easter in Auburn, 2008

N playing with his new easter basket goody, a toy car...Rrrmmm!

M, N (the one that wants to keep moving) and Lil' Peanut with almost all of their cousins! One was at college and the other two are in Oklahoma.

M found his Easter basket and I think Lil' Peanut was still looking for hers.

My mom and dad always said there was only ONE Easter Bunny...
Bunny D and Bunny C - Bunny D looks a bit scary though...

Bunnies S and B. I didn't know that the Easter Bunnies were Asian, too! Whoa, cool!


Well, Easter was a blast at my parents home. It was a perfect day for an egg hunt, letting the kiddles play outside, and enjoying time with family.

It was quite the day. The kiddles did so well considering they didn't get their naps, played hard, ate candy and crashed when we headed home. Actually, M ended snoozing a bit while Lil' Peanut was opening her birthday presents.

We got gifts galore, had the Elmo themed party of the year, ate more candy, and purely enjoyed ourselves.

M and Lil' Peanut got along great since there was so much room to explore and they had other cousins to watch and play with them.

Little Miss Lil' Peanut cracked me up though - she had to be in the middle of the cousins, while they opened their hunted eggs with money contained within. She was so fascinated by the whole event.

Actually, as I recall, all three of the kiddles found their way in the middle to see what was going on, and see how they could get some of what the others were getting.

So many memories and so much fun having kiddles to enjoy these kinds of holidays. I sure miss having my nieces and nephews being so small. But I guess they do have to grow up some time. Boohoo!

But now that we have our own kiddles, the holidays will continue to be fun and a sense of wonderment.

Aaahh, the joys of childhood...

PS: Thank you, Sista Numero Uno, for your Easter pics!

Oh, Lil' Peanut!

Oh, our Lil' Peanut is doing so great! We had a birthday party for her on Saturday, and thank goodness it was a beautiful day. Our house just isn't conducive to a lot of folk. So we had the great out doors to enjoy as well.

I'm writing because I am overflowing with gratefulness, peace and love. Our Lil' Peanut is doing so well. She seems to have turned an amazing corner. Besides being a bit older (aka: growing up) she seems to have come to an understanding that she is with us forever! That this is her 'home', her 'family', and we are her 'life' now.

Her tantrums have dissipated quite a bit, she fights less with N and has been able to figure out how to calm herself when she is in a fit. All of these things were way over the top before. So, for her to figure this all out in such a short amount a time is simply amazing. All of her workers and therapists are truly amazed and thrilled of her progress.

Just the other day, she put both hands on my face, smiled, giggled, looked me in the eyes and then simply gave me a huge hug! Wow! What love and peace I felt with that. It was as though she was letting me know how she really was feeling and this was the only way she knew how to express it. Oh, my Lil' Peanut!

Don't get me wrong... She still has her moments but they are simply becoming less and less.

Though it will be interesting when M comes to visit on Easter weekend, to see how she does with him. They are quite the pair.

I am seeing a sense of competition with him and she and thus her behavior seems to change a bit when he is around. They both are whiners, they both strike out with hitting regardless if it was an accident or if they simply tripped themselves. And then they both are vying for attention. So... We shall see how this more in control Lil' Peanut and M will do. Should be interesting as always.

Also, Lil' Peanut seems to be much more loving toward N and they are getting along soooo much better. She is able to not scream and cry and whine if he takes her toy, or if she takes his toy she is much more able to be okay with returning it to him. What growth, I tell you!

I am feeling so much better with everything in regards to Lil' Peanut, too. I am less stressed, less anxious, and feel like I can just be the parent I was made to be. Much more easy going, playful, and silly.

Oh, how I love being a parent most days. It seems our lil' family has turned a corner and we are going in the right direction and now we can simply enjoy and anticipate the next exciting curve to come.

I'm Waiting...

Where's Elmo? There he is!!! We are brothers forever!!!
I'm waiting while my homemade dinner of fish sticks are cooking in the oven.

I'm waiting for them to hurry up and get crispy so my kiddles can blow on them because they know they are hot.

I'm waiting for my clothes to dry, while still on my body, so that I don't have to change my clothes again.

I'm waiting for my hubby to get home from teaching so I can let him know I love him with a simple kiss.

I'm waiting for tomorrow to come when Grammy Jo comes to play with me and my kiddles.

I'm waiting for Friday to come so I can 'officially' wish my Lil' Peanut her 2nd birthday, but her first birthday with us!

I'm waiting for the day when I know I will be everything that I am suppose to be to jesus.

I'll be waiting, always in anticipation yet will enjoy the moment when it comes...

Peace within-

Oh, They Are Screaming Bloody Murder...

It's 8:20pm and both kiddles, N and Lil' Peanut are in their own beds, snuggled warmly from head to toe. But a raucous noise comes from both rooms and resounding off the walls and my ear drums. EESH!

Okay, 'experts' are always good at telling parents just what to do with your child, but I often wonder what those 'experts' actually do in their own homes with their own children? Hmmm...

It would be great to be a fly on one of their walls and to see if they actually walk the walk and talk the talk or are just giving all of us parents lip service.

Or could it be that those very 'experts' are on a high dosage of Xanax or other med so they don't have really have the same kind of problems the rest of us do. Having children who scream and cry or bite or sas back or hit or some other childhood angst.

So, as I'm writing this entry the two adorable kiddles are screaming their lungs out, but as soon as you go into their rooms they are laughing and smiling, as if they hadn't been creating havoc to their Momma's poor ears and heart.

So what to do? Go get them and laugh it all off together? Or let them cry it out? Take Xanax or a tranquilizer and go to bed? Or try to settle one down for sleep and then get the other calmed down as well. Such a dilemma!

What is a parent to do?

I actually have no clue but I'm sure I'll try something in the next few minutes or hours.

Just Thoughts @ 12:31 AM

I can't sleep because of thoughts rolling around in my mind.

I'm thinking of my kiddles, N and Lil' Peanut.

I am in awe of their presence in my life.

I ask the question, 'How did I deserve these two?'

My heart responds with, 'Silly, it's not that you deserved them, but that you were given them as gifts.'

'Oh, of course, silly me!' I say out loud to myself.

My life thus far has been interesting to say the least. But nothing can compare to being a parent. How amazing a journey it is so far.

I was holding N in my arms, helping him to reach a state of sleep. There in those tender moments I sighed deeply and with a great sense of peace and fulfillment.

His head on my shoulder, his legs dangling close to my knees, his arms wrapped around my arms, and oh the weight of him seemed weightless.

Oh, the sweetness of my life is overflowing with gratefulness.

I was laying in bed, listening to the quiet of our home, knowing I have been given two amazing and beautiful creatures to care for and raise up, as best as I can. Thank, god, that I don't have to do that all on my own.

I prayed for them.

I prayed that they would know how very much their momma and daddy love them and perhaps one day know and love jesus, in their own individual ways.

I prayed that religion would not get to the best of them and that their compassion would always remain present in any situation they find themselves in.

I prayed for another day with them...

Hearing them laugh, seeing them play, playing with them, and hugging them another time.

Oh, how I love and adore my wonderful kiddles!

Thank you, jesus.